K M Walker

The Perfect Birth Plan

When a patient arrives on Labor and Delivery clutching her Birth Plan, I'll admit I want to escape immediately to a remote, uninhabited island with no modern form of communication. I would consider crating the carrier pigeons too. (To be fair, I’m sure that’s how the computer dudes at Apple’s Genius Bar feel whenever I walk in to see them.)

We have an unshakable belief that women with Birth Plans unlock Pandora’s nether regions, releasing a huge flock of horrifying Kracken. The Kracken take perverse glee in ensuring that nothing - as in NOTHING - will go according to that plan. We know - we've lived it.

Labor and delivery is wildly unpredictable - like parenting. Flexibility is key for both. (Flexibility, loving acceptance and a good friend who makes a mean martini will get you through most of parenting’s challenges.) When life rains goose poop on your parade, it's time to adjust.

My take on Birth Plans is that they can be a valuable conversation starter. We can talk about what things are truly important to you versus things that you'd like, but can live without during your labor and delivery. I'll tell you how I usually practice and what is important to me. We can discuss C-sections, episiotomies, eating in labor and who you want in the room for your delivery.

One thing I tell moms is - you are the only person in the room in pain. I'll offer you ways to handle the pain that are safe, but which one you choose, if any, is up to you. And you can change your mind if things don't go according to plan. (Remember the Kracken.)

Think of me as the pilot of a charter flight for you and your baby. You choose if we fly over mountains or lakes, if you sit in a window or aisle seat, if you have chicken or fish for dinner. I might make a suggestion or two (I’m not a big fan of fish on airplanes), but those decisions are yours.

If the plane is going down however, you need to trust me to fly the plane. If however, you fundamentally don’t trust me to fly the plane, the time to figure that out is long before the plane is dropping out of the sky.

A nosedive is also not the time to knock on the door of the cockpit and share your thoughts on flying or a list of ideas you’ve printed off the internet. In an emergency, PLEASE let us do the job we are trained to do, to keep you and your baby safe.

You need a pilot who will let you make the decisions you can, use her best judgement to make the decisions you can’t and has the wisdom to know the difference. If you’re not happy with your pilot, a piece of paper won’t protect you or your baby. You need to get a new pilot - preferably before you board the plane.

My motto is - happy mom, healthy baby. Our commitment to you is so much greater than a list with check boxes. We won’t always get to the destination exactly as either of us had planned. In the end though, if your new family gets there safely, it’s been a good flight. The great news is - when you get off the plane, you get to take home the best souvenir on earth.